He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
