the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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