Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
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Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
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She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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