yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize