I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
