My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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