When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize