btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
