I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
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I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
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No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
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