he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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