And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
My pussy is not your playground.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
