Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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