Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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