I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
