Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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