did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
