i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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