at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
