Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
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This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
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Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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