hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
