White coat. Heels.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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