i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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