First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
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It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
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Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
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