dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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