Everything about him screamed your future.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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