i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
