I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
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The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize