Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Randomize
