I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
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