Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
