$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
