Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
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He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
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He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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