Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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