I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
