My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
BRING THE BAGELS
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.