Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(443): View more from Maryland

shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.

(610): View more from Pennsylvania

wrong number but thanks

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(443): shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten. (610): wrong number but thanks http://tfl.nu/9cua

Replies (18) Good night (8008) Bad night (769)
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(810): View more from Michigan

Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.

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(810): Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of. http://tfl.nu/uwfl

Replies (14) Good night (3907) Bad night (681)
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(971): View more from Oregon

you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?

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(971): you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything? http://tfl.nu/ldjb

Replies (25) Good night (5342) Bad night (816)
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(704): View more from North Carolina

Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.

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(704): Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten. http://tfl.nu/097z

Replies (35) Good night (501) Bad night (4815)
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(203): View more from Connecticut

I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.

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(203): I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under. http://tfl.nu/oj4t

Replies (14) Good night (3434) Bad night (690)
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(210): View more from Texas

I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.

(1-210): View more from Texas

I love milkshakes.

(210): View more from Texas

Not the point.

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(210): I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat. (1-210): I love milkshakes. (210): Not the point. http://tfl.nu/tb5t

Replies (19) Good night (5272) Bad night (1416)
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(248): View more from Michigan

i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech

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(248): i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech http://tfl.nu/b8ee

Replies (18) Good night (3869) Bad night (1266)
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(315): View more from New York

yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...

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(315): yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms... http://tfl.nu/res2

Replies (13) Good night (1961) Bad night (706)
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(574): View more from Indiana

It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.

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(574): It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later. http://tfl.nu/qtru

Replies (9) Good night (2285) Bad night (984)
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(304): View more from West Virginia

I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.

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(304): I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke. http://tfl.nu/7s6d

Replies (5) Good night (1450) Bad night (1346)
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(914): View more from New York

He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?

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(914): He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message? http://tfl.nu/czyz

Replies (7) Good night (1939) Bad night (452)
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(702): View more from Nevada

But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!

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(702): But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder! http://tfl.nu/rxkw

Replies (12) Good night (1084) Bad night (417)
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(847): View more from Illinois

I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for

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(847): I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for http://tfl.nu/6wjj

Replies (2) Good night (403) Bad night (591)
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(330): View more from Ohio

And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown

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(330): And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown http://tfl.nu/9oqz

Replies (0) Good night (405) Bad night (270)
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(217): View more from Illinois

I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.

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(217): I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted. http://tfl.nu/vsw4

Replies (2) Good night (216) Bad night (409)

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