we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE