i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.