Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year