she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...