This is not my ceiling
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
