The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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