I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
