Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize