dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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