Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Randomize
