My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
