Betty ford says i'm here all night
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize