I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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