He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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