So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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