I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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