I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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