Whatcha textin bout Willis?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
