I accidentally had phone sex last night
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize